Travelling as an unmarried Western couple in Indonesia

Wear rings, Dress modest, don’t drink in public. Been a few years last there. But my reports from expats who go there is it is tense. Watch your back behave. But No reports of trouble by them. Just a feeling right now. I live in Missamis Oriental. Southern Philippines. Know more about S.E.Asia than most. Have first hand reports + internet. So stay in touch with some expats were ever they are in S.E.Asia. You should be fine in groups. I do not know if I would wander of alone to villages right now. Or ride a rented motorcycle in some area’s. Just say from what I hear from expats it is not as friendly as a few years ago.

Hotel: Just wear rings, when asked say you are married and you should be fine.

In public: Don’t kiss or hold hands in public places, but that shouldn’t really be such a big issue. IMHO there really isn’t such a big difference from what is considered acceptable in most western countries in formal situations.

Source: Personal experience (mostly Java and Sumatra).

I live in east Java and have been to Sumatra before, though I traveled alone so I have no direct experience traveling as an unmarried couple. However I have heard of foreigners being asked if they were married and even of people being denied a room together, but it’s rare. Usually they are more lax when it concerns tourists, especially so in the touristic places. And small villages on the way to a tourist attraction are still considered touristic places. For example, I met a German unmarried couple on a bus and we got along well so at our stop we got a bungalow room with a big bed for them and an additional single bed for me to save on costs. This was no problem on Samosir island, only hours from Aceh.

For Indonesian or mixed Indonesian-foreigner couples it’s a different matter altogether and there will be more hotels that will give you issues. Though I’d say even then money often rules and you can still find a place.

If you can fake marriage and have no problems with doing so, perhaps it would be easiest to do so. But if you can’t/won’t or still are denied somewhere, there will surely be another place to take you in, especially outside of the main tourist season it’s easy enough to book something else on the spot. If you do have issues, try to find a place owned by non-native Indonesians. The ethnically Chinese own plenty of places to sleep.

I think other answers are pretty much spot on.

Avoiding public display of affection and dress modestly is pretty much the norm. Mind what is considered revealing in the West can be very different to the East. A good tip, is to google “[name of city] people” to get the idea on how they dress / behave.

Also when you got closer to the locals (you mentioned staying in the village) it is very possible that you will be asked with questions such as “When did you get married?” or “Why aren’t you married?”. Please do not take this personally, as this is the way they bond with strangers, and cohabitation is frowned upon. Just answer those questions like you would to those awkward Thanksgiving questions.

Different cities, or even different villages will have different standard and it is best to do research beforehand to understand those particular areas. Generally almost no people are trying to be moral policemen, however when tourists are being harassed it is generally because they want some cash (albeit under the pretext of something else, so use your street-smart to overcome these kinds of situations).

I have travelled a lot in various parts of the world, and from experience I can add to the other points – wear wedding rings. Most people will assume you are married anyway if you are sharing a room.
Never admit to being unmarried among older people, or you may get treated badly. Again, I speak from experience.
Among younger people you can tell them you are not married, but expect to get some strange questions about it, like “But why does your father permit this?”

I stayed a long time in rural Aceh, so here are my tips:

First of all, do not think of Indonesians as very religious. They are usually traditionalist (some may say conformist). This is different.

Cover yourself

You should both wear pants below the knees and real shirt (no tank top), no cleavage, no belly button displayed. Nobody will throw rocks at you if you don’t, but they will be more friendly if you do.

Do not display signs of affection

Do not kiss in public. Even holding hands should be avoided (same-sex couple, see below). Once again, nobody will throw rocks at you but…

Unmarried in the same hotel room

This is legal only if BOTH of you are foreigner. This is not only Aceh, but the whole Indonesia.
If one of you "looks like an Indonesian" expect problems when booking a room. My advice: pretend you are married. If it gets complicated give them any text in the Cyrillic alphabet and say it is a marriage certificate (same-sex couple, see below)

Note that

This is also true in the mostly Christian province of North Sumatra (booking a room should be easier.)

In a "tourist Ghetto" nobody will have a problem if you drink booze naked in the street (after all, you conform to their idea of a western environment.) But as soon as you go to the nearby village, conform fully to Indonesian standards. Even a bartender or a gogo dancer would be tolerant towards a foreigner, but very strict at home.

Same sex couple

Counter intuitively, same-sex couples may have it easy in Indonesia.
Friends (male or female) often hold each other in a way that would look romantic in the western world. Also you can book a room for 2 men/women with no question asked.

Indonesia is like my second home (I’m Australian) I have spent many months in Bali, I’ve been to Lombok, I backpacked across Java and went to a few places in Sumatra and did research work with orangutans in Borneo.
You will be fine!!

Yes they are Muslim but it is different from the Islam of Arabic countries. The people were originally Hindu so their religion to me seems a little mixed. They are extremely sweet people. Through Java and Sumatra you might have some people just staring at you because they don’t see white people often.

I traveled with my friend and in Jogjakarta we were treated like rock-stars…every kid wanted a photo taken with us. If you are going to take a bus or train just try to pick up a little Indonesian as they don’t speak too much English in some places. In Java we went to Mt Bromo and saw the temples at Prambanan. We also went to Pangandaran beach and did some exploring around there.

Jakarta is crazy but there should be a lot of people who can speak English. I also traveled to Sumatra and did some trekking in Bukit Lawang. They don’t drink alcohol because of their religion but you will be able to find beer in some of the areas I mentioned which see a little more tourists.

I have not been to Bandah Aceh which I hear is a little different and stricter but my friend went on a surf trip and he said the people were still lovely. One of the reasons I love Indonesia is because the people are so sweet. Do not worry!! 🙂