Relationships : What is Love?

Upvote:1

There may be other bases for (i.e. causes of or types of) 'love': for example, compassion or mudita.

You might find this difficult to practice without attachment and/or lust, even so your description of love seemed to me one-sided, only describing negatives (defilements).

See also, Any authentic sutta from any tradition that gives guidance on what kind of partner to choose?

Plus, there are other topics tagged and/or .

Upvote:2

"That's the way it is, householder. That's the way it is β€” for sorrow, lamentation, pain, distress, & despair are born from one who is dear, come springing from one who is dear."

...

"That's the way it is, householder [said the gamblers]. That's the way it is. Happiness & joy are born from one who is dear, come springing from one who is dear."

...

So the householder left, thinking, "I agree with the gamblers."

Piyajatika Sutta: From One Who Is Dear

(Note: this answer has not been given with the agreement to be means of trade or the purpose of/for trade and/or keep people trapped and bound. How you handle it lies in your sphere, but does not excuse the deed here either.)

Upvote:3

There 3 things interplay here:

  • Kama Raga - attachment to sensual objects or objects arousing lust
  • Chanda Raga - attachments to people (lovers, loved one's, family, friends)
  • Suba Sanna - perception of beauty in the shape of the body

So when you see a person the following can happen:

  • Pleasure, displeasure, neutral sensation on how you perceive the person based on
    • Previous interaction and perception formed as friend or not or a person who matters or not or good person or bad person or likable or not
    • Perception of looks of the person
      • Relative to one's looks
      • As an object of desire

So when you see a person of the opposite sex the 1st time, what you get is Kama Raga and Suba Sanna. This is in seeking of pleasure born of such interactions.

Though Kama Raga heavily influences Chanda Raga, the main thing is that the person is influential in you life / perceived world. As the "puppet master" of the perceived world you get pleasure from the "puppets" in the show when they seem to go according to your expectations.

Chanda Raga is what might keep a relationship going even when Kama Raga subsides with time and into old age when Suba Sanna wanes off.

Though in seeking pleasure we get the above 3, in fact these give diverse sensations: pleasure, displeasure, neutral due to impermanent nature and non self nature of existance. All the experience you can derive from it is Dukkha (pain - Dukkha Dukkha, pleasure - Viparinama Dukkha, neutral - Sankhara Dukkha). So to understand the 4 Noble Truths contemplate on the arising and passing of sensations.

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